Valuing People Too Much
You can listen to the audio discussion on this topic on the latest episode of The C-Note Audio Extravaganza!
In an extension of previous topics, I wanted to keep attacking this notion that anything we want to do needs to be filtered through the lense of other people in order for that thing to happen. Why do we need approval to do what we want to do? Why do we need someone to sign off on our idea? Especially in 2017 when we there are so few barriers to do what we can to show off our talents. Are you a great musician? Put your stuff on SoundCloud. An amazing artist? Connect and post your work on Instagram. The only thing stopping us is ourselves, old school thinking and how much stock we put in other people’s opinions.
If you truly love what you’re doing, loving the process and respecting yourself enough, you would never let the opinions, blockades, or fears of judgement stop you from getting what you want. Sure, you can gather ideas and opinions from other people but ultimately you need to take ownership of your choices and learn to live with those choices. So perhaps that fear you’re experiencing is really a fear within yourself about whether or not you can handle the full responsibility and consequences tied to your actions and decisions.
I say big words like responsibility and consequence but in most cases it’s never that dire. Your parents disapproving of your desire to be a comedian versus what they want from you isn’t going to make or break your life by any guaranteed measure. Even if they disapprove then why the hell would you want them around anyway? Sorry, I know they’re your parents and you’ll probably have to sleep on a friend’s couch for a while. Oh well. The road to anything worth it is often difficult. You’re being true to who you are and that’s the important part.
These filters of fear, judgement and the desire to people-please or “belong” leads to a lifetime of misery. It’s something so many people complain about regularly yet refuse to do anything about. Think about this way…protecting their feelings by not being honest is simply…not honest. It’s lying. You’re a liar. How is that protective of them or yourself? Lying is stressful and confusing. When you’re caught you damage trust, sometimes permanently. You have to be constantly on alert to keep that lie going. It’s silly. It’s just flat-out silly.
Stop it.
Not only are you a liar now but you’re basing that lie on assumptions about how someone is going to feel about something that probably isn’t anywhere near as much of a big deal as you’re making it out to be. Yeah, it’s as ridiculous and convoluted as it sounds. It’s like some lame reality show that injects drama that could be avoided by simply saying the thing you want to say. Do you want to be that or do you want to keep doing what you want to do? Or do you want to wander around your bedroom in circles assuming that your boss won’t give you a raise…that if you ask them then the clouds will part and you’ll struck by lightning?
For real. Stop it. You know you do that. Think about what it is that you want to do and go do it. Ask questions that get you new information. Get out of your own head. You only know what you know and will drive yourself mad re-framing those same thoughts.
Don’t assume the outcome. 98% of the time it really won’t be even remotely mad. Give people, especially those close to you, a little more credit for being understanding.
Even so, it doesn’t matter. You don’t need their approval, you’re information gathering to help you meet your desired outcome.
I know you’ve angry and likely have intense feelings about this topic. But I’m not holding your hand or trying to be nice about it.
So, let’s chat about it. What do you have going on? What’s on your mind? What are scare of? And most importantly, what are you waiting for?
Christian is a Multimedia Designer and Creative Consultant. Comedy writer. Punk Rock maker. Hilarious. Mental health advocate.
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